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Welcome to Stepford!

The film ‘The Stepford Wives’ examines a number of important issues in terms of gender equality and women’s liberation. I remember hearing the term ‘Stepford wife’ prior to seeing the film, prompting me to watch it. I was interested in how women’s rights were explored by designing women as robots subservient to their husbands. Whilst the film explores the idea and practise of forced submission to a power figure within marriages and as a community, it’s a model which I’ve noticed filtered throughout society in other ways. The film also explores the concept of diversity, how the idea of someone being different, relative to the group norm, is condemned. In the film condemnation is expressed through a pseudo welcoming, to then encourage force moulding of the outsider wife into a robot. This concept of diversity, along with The Stepford Wives, remains extremely relevant today in many settings. Rarely is there a genuine appreciation and respect for people’s differences. There is so much emphasis in the social conversation of diversity about ethnic, religious, class, gender, sexuality, age and disability diversity and having this physically represented within spaces. This is not to say that this diversity is not important, it absolutely is and I even find that diversity amongst these groups is not effectively executed. What I am more referring to is genuine diversity amongst people where inclusion of certain groups or people is uncomfortable, or requires creative change to include them. For example, when modifications need to be made to effectively include people so that they can apply themselves and reach their full potential; whilst successfully contributing to a group’s goals. I recently read a post on LinkedIn about an experience of a young lady who was trying to gain employment but continued to face barriers of employers who were unwilling to accommodate someone in a wheelchair. Unfortunately, unwillingness to make positive changes for people is riddled in many spaces. The COVID-19 pandemic shed light on issues where inclusion of certain people is more uncommon. For example, people suffering with mental illness and managing mental health, and people who have more unique and introverted personality types. What became clear was that society and workplaces are often structured and catered to accommodate more extroverted personalities. Much of the mental health care which was provided from employers during the pandemic was to ensure that people were managing ok with lockdowns and the lack of social mobility. Whilst it is a positive thing to see improved access to mental health care services, mental illness is rampant outside of a global pandemic. I often hear how mental illness and mental health care is more accepted today however, in instances where modifications need to be made to someone’s schedule, environment or way of living, it can sometimes be more unaccepted or perceived as an inconvenience. Similarly, the pandemic saw plenty of people working from home which was quite energising for many introverts out there. This sort of flexibility is something which should be respected a lot more. The genuine appreciation for diversity is also the creation of environments and spaces which allow people to reach their full potential. In turn ultimately benefiting the organisation or group which someone is part of. Modifications for people can be so simple and overall contribute to wellbeing. For many people having the ability to work from home can allow them to properly focus on objectives and work to their maximum potential, as they are separate from social politics and distractions. This sort of setting should be better understood as productive and not as disinterest in the organisation, group or people. An enhanced understanding about personality types and what they need is essential for sustainable relationships. If working from home meant that a person was able to maintain their personal wellness and uphold the best work performance for themselves, then this should be valued and permitted. The wellbeing and sustainability of people is critical in achieving goals, maintaining healthy relationships and generating positive output. Overall, the Stepford model of forced moulding for everyone to be the same is outdated and unproductive. Modifications is a key element of success and should be highly regarded as a tool for organisational and personal success.

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Patience Zero

I’d like to acknowledge that I am by no means a therapist nor have I had any training in psychology. I believe that personal experience is extremely valid which is why I share my opinions and experiences on certain matters. I am hardly patient zero for any mental health struggles or the first person to find therapy a long and at times tedious process. I would have liked for my experience to be the exception but after hearing other people’s experiences repeated with similar themes to mine, I now recognise that it’s quite common for people to get fed up and find therapy ineffective. A recurring theme is the lack of willingness to find creative solutions to mental health care. There appears to be a model in which a number of therapists use to try and work with someone, to help them along the way in their mental health care journey and recovery. I recognise that this model can be of value in terms of a starting point to evaluate where someone is at in their journey but it is not always useful when people aren’t making progress or aren’t responding positively to therapies. The concept of patients just needing to be patient during a therapy process can become a bit insulting especially when many have been through so much emotionally, tried many types of therapy/therapists and are often at a breaking point. The idea of just remaining patient isn’t necessarily practical and often there is more urgency in some of these circumstances to make changes. “You just need to be patient” is a statement I never want to hear in therapy again; as if it’s the first time I’ve ever been told that or as if I’ve never even thought of that. When a patient is crying out and voicing their concerns as to how the model, skills and plan isn’t working, to then be dismissed and have it insinuated that those people just aren’t trying hard enough is appalling. I have been repeatedly ignored and dismissed when discussing my concerns with some therapists previously. There was an instance where I had to ask about eight times in a therapy session what a plan was to manage my struggles, and the psychiatrist ignored me every time. If a therapist is unsure as to how to manage a patient then that is one issue but there are things which can be done to mitigate the not knowing. In this instance a patient could have been handed over to a colleague who may have had expertise in a certain area or may be able to connect better with that patient based on certain personality traits. There are many types of therapy, skills and tactics which can be used to manage mental health and the fact that so few have been put forward by some therapists is worrying. The goal really should be on the patient and their recovery. However, too often I experience and hear other experiences as that of being people held and lured in a cycle of therapy. I’ve had a couple of instances with therapists where they would accuse me of blowing up the therapeutic relationship when I started to address my concerns of a lack of a plan, skills being developed, skills not being effective, lack of progress and lack of results long-term. In these situations the therapist wasn’t working with me adequately and they just didn’t understand me. The only therapist who has worked well for me and who has been able to help me was someone who really understood me and took the time to genuinely get to know me. They didn’t just make assumptions like the others did and took the information and interactions between us for what they were. When this specific psychologist wasn’t sure of what to do next they communicated with colleagues, did research on new therapies for complex post-traumatic stress disorder and tried to revisit therapies tried previously. There wasn’t a single time where they gave up on me and continued thinking of alternative treatments even when they wouldn’t be administered by themself. It wasn’t about business but about basic human decency and morality, where the patient and their wellbeing came first.

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A Humanist Approach to Change

I’ve always thought that a platform for storytelling could be a powerful tool. Many cultures have a strong appreciation and tradition of storytelling. When I was fourteen, I knew then that I wanted to be involved in writing and using different forms of expression to share and develop ideas. Initially I thought I would have to write fiction in order to effectively evoke ideas and emotions. I believed that fiction was the way to go as I did not see myself as having a unique perspective or experience. This idea that a person’s experience or perspective has to be somewhat unheard of in order to have value is not something I agree with. I found myself questioning ‘what does it mean to be unique?’. I kept trying to find out if I was unique but that was the wrong question. I realised that examining the world and going through certain challenges which I didn’t know how to manage was reason enough to write and share. I found that people genuinely appreciated this sharing and would respond with “I’ve never thought about it like that”. Fast-forward to now and I couldn’t think further from my fourteen-year-old self. I started to slowly write down anything that interested me, from cringeworthy attempts at screenplays to titles of band names. All of this contributed to ongoing critical assessments of the world and people, to then formulate into written reflections. I believe that many of us who feel isolated, small or that our experiences are sometimes insignificant can gain a lot from sharing and storytelling. I wanted to be a part of this sharing and collaboration, which is when I teamed up with Inspireflix. I will continue to post content here about Inspireflix’s campaigns, documentaries and on social issues. As a humanist myself I definitely appreciate the value of people, their capabilities and contributions. At times what I write can be interpreted as pessimistic of people and the world, however I am an idealist and I know that humans are capable of incredible things and positive change. I want these blog posts to encourage thinking, unlearning, and ultimately contribute to shifting the way people interact with each other. I believe within the world that a sense of community is important and by maintaining this structure we can incite more storytellers to come out and share their experiences. Talking about each other’s hardships and triumphs is something which can give each of us hope. I believe that from this people can better understand how to manage challenging times without falling into a downward spiral. Sharing also has such an impact to de-stigmatise many topics and concerns which some of us may not have heard of, or have no idea how to deal with. I recognise that not everyone has the appropriate or desired support structures around them and by creating a positive space for sharing and change, I hope that Inspireflix and the content it produces can provide some solace, support and inspire change for the better.

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