Dating

Fast Food for Thought

We live in a binge culture. There’s literally a TV and movie streaming platform called ‘Binge’. Today many of us consume so much of a product or service to such an extreme in such a small period of time. We do it with video games, TV and movies, food, drugs, alcohol, shopping, dating ETC. Bingeing something like food and alcohol is not necessarily a new phenomenon but it’s those excessive behaviours in conjunction with more of what and how we are consuming today, that makes it all that much more intense. Recent technological advances like laptops, phones and applications which compliment these make it so much easier to access information and resources. Previously, before computers were more readily available, if you wanted to complete an assignment you would have to travel to a library, reserve books and extract the information that way; making it more time consuming for some. Whilst many of the advances in technology have improved our access to information as well as enhanced our efficiency, we are then sometimes inundated with more work because we can be more efficient with our improved gadgets. Similarly, we experience this influx of people via social media and an ongoing supply of TV and movies. I remember when I was in school having to watch TV and movies at the scheduled time which they were on TV, or at the cinema. It was always annoying if I wasn’t able to make it home in time and missed parts but I remember enjoying the experience of TV and movies more. Nowadays, it gets to the point for me where watching all the TV and movies available isn’t as enjoyable as it was in the past because it’s just incessant. I think about how we binge with so many things and I notice that this is reflected a bit in our social scene as well. I don’t feel as though the social binge is about trying to see and meet people all the time. It is slightly more complicated because I feel as though today some people won’t see friends or others as much in person but veer towards “keeping in touch” through social media and scrolling through news feeds. It’s almost like getting a dose of socialising without having to do much work or organisation. It’s a similar experience with online dating where you can swipe left or right for ages where people will just consume this material for hours on end. In that way I see it as a binge. In social spaces I feel that there appears to be a bit of a disposable culture developing where people aren’t as good at interacting and connecting. Many will revert back to their phones as a way to communicate and if things don’t work out between people there’s this security blanket of social media and online dating to remind ourselves that there’s plenty of people out there. With all of these technological advances and methods of communication I always wonder if we are more efficient and productive, if we communicate better and overall if we really are better off.

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Fishbowl

Now it’s even harder to connect with people let alone maintain a connection. We live in a time and generation possessed by technology, phones and laptops, and we are hijacked by our social media presence that we are ignorant to the basic ability to interact with each other. I got rid of Facebook for a while. I wanted to have a period of my life where I was not connected to the virtual world where most socialising and connection unfortunately takes place. Previously online dating was seen as more taboo and for the retired or for people who were having trouble connecting. I found the online space for “dating” worse that the real world. Whilst it may be more appealing to some people as it clearly states who is available, what they’re looking for and what they’re interested in, the emotional walls are even more obvious. It’s like applying for a job. There is no social responsibility to respond or engage. You have to try so much harder and ultimately it ends up being a contest of who can pretend to appear cooler. People argue that the online platform is more “real” in a way because people are being their more authentic selves, however do we really want people to only be their true selves when there is a buffer, or when there are supposedly less consequences? The dating I have sparingly experienced over the past few years has been very screen oriented. I went out with someone I had met online and we had a really nice time. We met at a pub and had dinner, drinks and chatted for ages. We texted a little after that and later reconnected to have drinks again and then dinner the following week. After we had a lovely dinner I received a message from them telling me they wanted to make a move but they weren’t sure how I felt. I appreciated that but at the same time these types of conversations are better dealt with in person and we were just in person together. I understand that there is the possibility of rejection and as a result the normalisation of using texting as a method of popular communication has become favourable, but it is such a downward slope. We are currently in a state of social “crisis” where very few people know how to effectively communicate and engage with people in a healthy and coherent manner. Too many people can’t create sufficient conversation or make eye contact whilst passing by. Often people resort back to “safe spaces”, such as text messages or social media to communicate, creating a cushion for rejection; except what that does is make us more incapable of participating in important conversations and relationship maintenance. The online space has painted this illusion that we have ample opportunity and the luxury of plentiful people to sieve through. However, this concept has also generated a poor culture of perceiving people as disposable items where we don’t fix something or engage in conflict resolution, we just loop back to our online platforms to start again.

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