Mental health

Labour Pains

Invisible labour, as work which is unpaid and minimally recognised, has been a hot topic for a while and something more comprehensively explored, given the increased number of women in the workforce today. Invisible labour is still an issue today with the amount of work outside of paid employment that people still have to complete. Previously I have written about “the grind” and “the hustle culture” which is rampant in society, where the style of how we work is to be juggling a bunch of things related to work and including work in order to get ahead and achieve. Whilst there is this shift towards considering mental health and wellbeing, what I feel is not being included in our work model when considering work-life balance is the work which people are required to do at home, for themselves and their family. A lot of people seem to be experiencing this prioritisation of work over many other things in life. Paid work is definitely a priority but at times it feels as though it’s not a choice for many people, and it appears as though the rest of life gets left behind.   Previously more women stayed at home to complete most of the standard household chores like cooking, washing, cleaning, groceries, errands, child care and other caring responsibilities to say the least. Whilst this has shifted to more women working in paid roles today the amount of invisible work remains. Perhaps in some instances in a two-person relationship it is more convenient if there is one person who undertakes paid work and the other who looks after unpaid work. However, it is such a complex issue to consider as most people today can’t afford to not work and a number of people actually want to work to do something that they are passionate about, outside of a home and family life. The question still remains as to how to manage a genuine work-life balance today, considering the increased expectations from paid work, outside of paid work activities related to work, social and family life, exercise and wellbeing, leisure, chores, life administration and other general tasks.   A lot has been discussed about moving towards a 4-day work week, where some countries around the world have put this to trial. Naturally I hear a lot of praise for this model and seeing people being all for it. Having an extra day off work can be really valuable, considering if salaries were to remain the same. The amount of times I have said and have heard other people say “if only I had an extra day on the weekend…”. Having this extra day would mean I could invest a lot more in consistent cleaning, chores and the endless life administration which I cram into my weekday evenings; so that I can have more of a break on the weekends, and not spend the entire weekend racing around. It would be ideal to being able to slow down, work meaningfully, effectively and enjoy.

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The Grind

Personally, when I think of the word ‘lazy’ I think of mess, disorganisation, tiredness and boredom. I recently read this article in Smith Journal about laziness and how laziness is something which should be valued. I agree with this. I am agreeing with the argument made that the constant need or feeling the need to be productive actually isn’t as important as it’s made out to be. We live in a period where there’s this glamourisation of ‘the daily grind’ and ‘the hustle’, where overworking is often viewed as the way to success and happiness. I would like to acknowledge that there is a slow shift to appreciating our mental health, slowing down, mindfulness and investing in relationships more. I do however still see the ever-present overworking riddled in so many spaces, and I don’t just mean at the office. Even as I’m writing this I am trying to hurry so I can get on with completing some standard life admin tasks. I’m not talking about when we have important deadlines where there are serious consequences to not completing something and when things need to be completed in order to meet needs and get fed. What I am more referring to is the culture as a whole of valuing “productivity” over self-care. It really can be a challenge when people as individuals try to balance everything. It is good to want to pursue a career and do well in that career, and because the workforce is so competitive the expectation of how people have to work is by hustling and working themselves into the ground. What often gets sacrificed is personal wellness and the maintenance of our general sanity. Too often I hear about people needing to complete a Bachelor’s degree, whilst working part-time or casually in some café or store, volunteering and completing and internship at some point. This is pretty normal and sometimes considered the average amount of work. I remember struggling to stay afloat during my uni days and I was very privileged in terms of living at home and not needing to work full-time, on top of uni in order to stay alive. How much harder many people have to work if they do live out of home, are carers for other people or have children, or any other consuming responsibilities, is pretty unimaginable. What is the value of this? Is it really a greater output? There is this guilt which lives inside a lot of people if they choose to do “nothing” on the weekend, perhaps watch some tv or alike. Many times I’ve heard people feeling pressure to give an exciting answer when asked what they have planned for their weekend, when lots want to enjoy their weekends genuinely relaxing. However the perception of doing “nothing” is concerning, not just from outsiders but also the self-perception of not doing enough. In reality many people have to work 9:00am-5:00pm Monday to Friday each week at a minimum so is it really so bad if on our weekends we actually slow down? Most of the time plenty of us have to get organised like meal planning, cleaning our homes, washing our clothes, cooking and/or exercising. Only after this, if we even manage to get these tasks done, do we have a chance to do nothing; often the pressure can kick in for us to do something. So it’s back to the good old grind.

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Welcome to Stepford!

The film ‘The Stepford Wives’ examines a number of important issues in terms of gender equality and women’s liberation. I remember hearing the term ‘Stepford wife’ prior to seeing the film, prompting me to watch it. I was interested in how women’s rights were explored by designing women as robots subservient to their husbands. Whilst the film explores the idea and practise of forced submission to a power figure within marriages and as a community, it’s a model which I’ve noticed filtered throughout society in other ways. The film also explores the concept of diversity, how the idea of someone being different, relative to the group norm, is condemned. In the film condemnation is expressed through a pseudo welcoming, to then encourage force moulding of the outsider wife into a robot. This concept of diversity, along with The Stepford Wives, remains extremely relevant today in many settings. Rarely is there a genuine appreciation and respect for people’s differences. There is so much emphasis in the social conversation of diversity about ethnic, religious, class, gender, sexuality, age and disability diversity and having this physically represented within spaces. This is not to say that this diversity is not important, it absolutely is and I even find that diversity amongst these groups is not effectively executed. What I am more referring to is genuine diversity amongst people where inclusion of certain groups or people is uncomfortable, or requires creative change to include them. For example, when modifications need to be made to effectively include people so that they can apply themselves and reach their full potential; whilst successfully contributing to a group’s goals. I recently read a post on LinkedIn about an experience of a young lady who was trying to gain employment but continued to face barriers of employers who were unwilling to accommodate someone in a wheelchair. Unfortunately, unwillingness to make positive changes for people is riddled in many spaces. The COVID-19 pandemic shed light on issues where inclusion of certain people is more uncommon. For example, people suffering with mental illness and managing mental health, and people who have more unique and introverted personality types. What became clear was that society and workplaces are often structured and catered to accommodate more extroverted personalities. Much of the mental health care which was provided from employers during the pandemic was to ensure that people were managing ok with lockdowns and the lack of social mobility. Whilst it is a positive thing to see improved access to mental health care services, mental illness is rampant outside of a global pandemic. I often hear how mental illness and mental health care is more accepted today however, in instances where modifications need to be made to someone’s schedule, environment or way of living, it can sometimes be more unaccepted or perceived as an inconvenience. Similarly, the pandemic saw plenty of people working from home which was quite energising for many introverts out there. This sort of flexibility is something which should be respected a lot more. The genuine appreciation for diversity is also the creation of environments and spaces which allow people to reach their full potential. In turn ultimately benefiting the organisation or group which someone is part of. Modifications for people can be so simple and overall contribute to wellbeing. For many people having the ability to work from home can allow them to properly focus on objectives and work to their maximum potential, as they are separate from social politics and distractions. This sort of setting should be better understood as productive and not as disinterest in the organisation, group or people. An enhanced understanding about personality types and what they need is essential for sustainable relationships. If working from home meant that a person was able to maintain their personal wellness and uphold the best work performance for themselves, then this should be valued and permitted. The wellbeing and sustainability of people is critical in achieving goals, maintaining healthy relationships and generating positive output. Overall, the Stepford model of forced moulding for everyone to be the same is outdated and unproductive. Modifications is a key element of success and should be highly regarded as a tool for organisational and personal success.

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Patience Zero

I’d like to acknowledge that I am by no means a therapist nor have I had any training in psychology. I believe that personal experience is extremely valid which is why I share my opinions and experiences on certain matters. I am hardly patient zero for any mental health struggles or the first person to find therapy a long and at times tedious process. I would have liked for my experience to be the exception but after hearing other people’s experiences repeated with similar themes to mine, I now recognise that it’s quite common for people to get fed up and find therapy ineffective. A recurring theme is the lack of willingness to find creative solutions to mental health care. There appears to be a model in which a number of therapists use to try and work with someone, to help them along the way in their mental health care journey and recovery. I recognise that this model can be of value in terms of a starting point to evaluate where someone is at in their journey but it is not always useful when people aren’t making progress or aren’t responding positively to therapies. The concept of patients just needing to be patient during a therapy process can become a bit insulting especially when many have been through so much emotionally, tried many types of therapy/therapists and are often at a breaking point. The idea of just remaining patient isn’t necessarily practical and often there is more urgency in some of these circumstances to make changes. “You just need to be patient” is a statement I never want to hear in therapy again; as if it’s the first time I’ve ever been told that or as if I’ve never even thought of that. When a patient is crying out and voicing their concerns as to how the model, skills and plan isn’t working, to then be dismissed and have it insinuated that those people just aren’t trying hard enough is appalling. I have been repeatedly ignored and dismissed when discussing my concerns with some therapists previously. There was an instance where I had to ask about eight times in a therapy session what a plan was to manage my struggles, and the psychiatrist ignored me every time. If a therapist is unsure as to how to manage a patient then that is one issue but there are things which can be done to mitigate the not knowing. In this instance a patient could have been handed over to a colleague who may have had expertise in a certain area or may be able to connect better with that patient based on certain personality traits. There are many types of therapy, skills and tactics which can be used to manage mental health and the fact that so few have been put forward by some therapists is worrying. The goal really should be on the patient and their recovery. However, too often I experience and hear other experiences as that of being people held and lured in a cycle of therapy. I’ve had a couple of instances with therapists where they would accuse me of blowing up the therapeutic relationship when I started to address my concerns of a lack of a plan, skills being developed, skills not being effective, lack of progress and lack of results long-term. In these situations the therapist wasn’t working with me adequately and they just didn’t understand me. The only therapist who has worked well for me and who has been able to help me was someone who really understood me and took the time to genuinely get to know me. They didn’t just make assumptions like the others did and took the information and interactions between us for what they were. When this specific psychologist wasn’t sure of what to do next they communicated with colleagues, did research on new therapies for complex post-traumatic stress disorder and tried to revisit therapies tried previously. There wasn’t a single time where they gave up on me and continued thinking of alternative treatments even when they wouldn’t be administered by themself. It wasn’t about business but about basic human decency and morality, where the patient and their wellbeing came first.

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